She shared that she deals with depression, panic disorder, and vasovagal syncope (a condition that can lead to fainting).
Read her letter below:
Hi, hello. To my fans A-Ing and also the many people who like me and are interested in me, I’m not sure if this is the right decision or not either, but it’s something I decided after a lot of thought, so I’m going to really tell my story.
To be honest, I’d dreamt of being on stage since I was very young. I achieved that dream and I received so much more love and interest than I ever could have imagined, and I think I went through a process of growth. Maybe because I’ve thought that I’ve especially had so many opportunities ever since I was young, I’ve always felt grateful and, to be honest, excited. At those times, I also felt sorry. Time went on and after my debut I became an adult, and I thought I needed to take responsibility for everything I do, I thought I shouldn’t make any mistakes, and I wanted be someone that was everyone’s choice. Because of that ambition, I just looked straight ahead and kept running. I didn’t know I was sick. However, because of the great people and fans who were always together with me, I just thought I was okay. I put it off, said it wasn’t true and I was okay, but then I found out when I first went to the hospital in 2016 that I was ill mentally. Like how naturally when you’re physically sick you take medicine, like when you have a cold you have to take cold medicine, I was someone who had always been so tough, so I couldn’t believe the diagnosis of depression and panic disorder. I think I didn’t believe it for a year.
Now, I naturally get treatment once every two weeks, and I try not to think badly about it because I have many people around me. But then I first experienced my vision getting foggy and I collapsed. Several times I thought his must be a symptom of my panic disorder too and ignored it. However, a doctor advised me to go to a university hospital so I had some tests done on my brainwaves, and I found out that I have something called vasovagal syncope. I was lost and it seemed I had no options. I wanted to be on stage, but I was worried that if I kept falling down like this often, if people knew that I’m sick, then maybe people wouldn’t want to have me perform. Since I was worried about that, I didn’t want to tell anyone. I wanted to keep my secret for a long time, but whenever I would fall down, I’d feel anxious on my own and I felt so sorry. When I was doing an advertisement or something else on my schedule, when I was doing an event, I was so sorry to the many people who had believed in me and entrusted me with that. So I wanted to relieve those feelings even a little bit, and that’s why I’m saying this honestly. Although I was cautious, I didn’t hide it and gathered up the courage to try to talk about it. I’m going to keep bravely trying to be well, but I think people can’t be perfect. I think it’s not too late and I’m going to love myself and take care of myself. I’m going to be courageous and honest, like I am now. Thank you very much for reading.
source: @hyunah_aa, soompi