Reminder: TOP’s Star Diary series is written from his point of view.
I’m normally the type to have mood swings, but I think I became more so while filming Into the Gunfire. It was difficult for me personally, but I think it was also hard for my manager, who had to put up with me. I am incredibly sorry and grateful.
People ask me, ‘What kind of person are you?’ but I don’t really know myself. I don’t like being so-called 4-dimensional. It’s because it could seem like I’m floundering in narcissism. Because I have a job that receives a lot of attention from people I do believe that I should have some degree of uniqueness, but I don’t want to be so lost in my own world.
I’ve received a lot of influence from my maternal grandfather, who was a writer. I enjoy writing rap lyrics and writing in a journal. I’ve started up writing journal entries again these days.
I don’t want to live in isolation, but I do often think that I want to live freely. Especially when I was younger, I’d want to run away to any place. Without even knowing from what, I’d just want to run away. Honestly, I hardly ever went to school.
Is it because I think that I hadn’t lived diligently at that time. After making my debut, I hardly took a break. I’m making an effort to become upright. I think it’s a problem of my conscience. As more people begin to like me, I become more careful and optimistic. As I go about doing my job and as the people who like and care for me increases, I learn how to care for myself.
I’m happy because I have lost myself in my work. When I look back, it’s not that I had done bad things, but I get the feeling that I was unable to finish the work that I had to do. I was always writing rap lyrics and lost in music ever since I was little. It may be that I am working like a workaholic now as a reflection on those times.
I don’t want to be set in stone. In any case, I am a musician, and I need to have freedom when I’m on stage. I have to be able to be unpredictable in order to show others a different world.
TRANS: seungie @ tumblr